Cooper has a sister

From the beginning, I wondered about having a boy.

Our first is a girl. Andi is girly and sassy. She's quick and driven. She's kind and giving. She's timid, but also brave. She has surprised me in many ways. I guess that's what kids do- come and surprise us with their own little personalities and thoughts.

When she found out I was growing a baby, she really wanted a sister.

I have two sisters. We talk every single day. We message about every little thing. The way our kids are driving us bonkers, the way our butts are too flat, the way we accidentally texted the wrong person a very embarrassing message. I can't imagine not having them as supports and friends.

But, our girl got a brother. And I wondered what their relationship will be like. I wondered if they would talk about all the things the way I do with my sisters.

And then, I wondered even harder once we found out Cooper has Down syndrome. I cried because I didn't know what that looks like, and my dreams of her having a brother that she could be close with seemed like an impossibility.

.........................

We are at the beginning of our parenting journey. I hope both my kids have a lifetime of experiences and memories to share. Here is one example of how Andi continues to surprise me today.

We chose to participate in an online school for Andi's 1st grade year. Her "homeroom" teacher is Mrs. Randall. We write and submit a snippet of what we learned each week, and Mrs. Randall responds with praise and questions to get to know Andi.

This week Mrs. Randall played 2 Truths and a Lie. Andi guessed which of 3 statements Mrs. Randall was fibbing on. Then, it was Andi's turn to make up her own statements to play the game. I explained the game to her as best I could, then asked Andi what she would like to say as her 2 truths. I was thinking she'd talk about princesses, Disney movies, playing with her friends, or ice cream. Things she truly never stops talking about.

Instead, after thinking for a few moments, the first statement she said was, "My baby brother was born with Down syndrome."

I don't know why, but the first truth she thought of sharing with this stranger was that her brother has Down syndrome.

One of the first things I did when I wondered so hard about Andi and Cooper's relationship was seek out other sibling relationships, specifically sisters that have a brother with Down syndrome. To date, I have found and talked with only a few. But their stories have carried me, and I find hope in the possibility of my kids having a loving, meaningful relationship like theirs one day.

But moments like these, when I see that Andi is aware on some level of her brother having an extra chromosome, I am reminded to take a step back. She knows nothing about Down syndrome. Because of her being on this Earth for only 6 years, she has had virtually no negative experiences with disability.

(I would add here, with the perspective I have today, that I may have avoided the disabled population in general and would have robbed her of ever knowing the beauty in this world if it hadn't been for Cooper coming and changing all of that. We can seek out and have experiences with the special needs community without actually knowing anyone with a disability, and I encourage anyone reading to do so!)

She gives no craps that her brother is "different." She gives no craps because she doesn't know the negative light people with Down syndrome have been put in the way I do.

She knows what he has, and she is still proud of him. She still loves him. I feel hopeful that he will feel her love and that their relationship will continue to grow and be awesome in the future.

One of the sisters I met whose younger brother has Down syndrome told me, "My brother being the way he is made me who I am today." She is now in her 20s, her brother about 7 years younger than her. She described herself as patient, loving, and accepting. She was confident, easy to talk to, and kind. I told her how I'd struggled and didn't know how Andi and Cooper would be together. She more or less told me that I had nothing to worry about.

"She will be better for having Cooper as a brother," she told me.

Seeing how Andi has already grown in love and acceptance as we have met others with disabilities in the last year, and seeing how much Cooper already adores her, I'm starting to think that sister I met may be right.