One of the questions I have gotten on occasion is if I wish I'd have known Cooper had Down syndrome before he was born. My answer is no. It seems to me, through meeting and hearing other's diagnosis stories, that we all find out in the way we are supposed to. For me, bearing the weight of the diagnosis while pregnant would have been a lot harder.
At first, I thought I would definitely want to know on any future pregnancies (that door is not completely closed like I was planning on), and maybe I still would. But I recently spoke to a woman who is pregnant and declined genetic testing. She told me of a woman she knew who had the testing done and was told her baby would have all kinds of problems and likely not live very long. But the baby was born and was perfectly healthy. "The doctors don't always know, and I don't think the extra stress is worth it," she told me.
I have also talked to and read about women who had the genetic testing done and it was incorrect. Either they were told their baby had DS and did not, or they were told their baby did not have DS and they came with the extra chromosome after all.
So, I haven't made up my mind what's best as far as genetic testing. I think it's a personal decision and, in general, there's no right or wrong.
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I mentioned regret over my initial thoughts about Cooper's diagnosis. When he started to smile around 3 months old, my heart started to heal. I couldn’t figure out why, with all the doubts and fears I was experiencing, but this little baby boy knew me, and he loved me. He loved me! I felt very undeserving of his love, and I would hold him and cry and whisper to him how sorry I was for my scared thoughts. Still, he followed my face and voice everywhere, even when others would try to get him to look their way and fail. I didn’t get an instant connection with him when he was born, but the connection grew as he seemed to have eyes only for me. I was still trying to figure out if I had what it took to be his mother, but there was no doubt in my mind that he knew that’s who I was meant to be. His confidence in me gives me so much strength.
Cooper is almost one year old. Living through one year of Cooper's life feels like a major accomplishment. I think that's true for any child's first year! It's an incredible experience to watch a child grow and change. I've learned it's an honor to have the opportunity to create a person and get to know them. I hope and pray for many, many more years with both my kids.
Cooper has had zero medical complications thus far. His first blood draw at 6 months came back and looked decent. He had an eye exam and the doctor liked the way his eyes look. We saw an ENT doctor and audiologist. His ears and hearing look great. He's had some teeny sniffles here and there. And we've battled constipation but are usually on the winning side. These are things we will monitor every year (at minimum) to help him feel his best.
He works extra hard to be able to roll over, sit up, and crawling is next in line. I never had to think about child development with my first baby, and now it seems like it's all I think about. He hasn't given us very many laughs yet, but SO MANY smiles!
He has struggled sleeping through the night, and is still working on it. But he eats like there's no tomorrow and mastered drinking through a straw in 2 weeks time. He has one little tooth trying to come through now (about 11 months old). He is content and happy 95% of the time, and overall seems like a quiet kinda kid. He is seriously a dream baby. I love him so much.
Can you imagine being pregnant and being told your baby has Down syndrome, and being handed a list of the possible, but not guaranteed, complications? How stressful that would be. Or worse, can you imagine being told you should abort your baby because of these possible, not guaranteed, medical problems?
I can't imagine Cooper never getting a chance. I can't imagine how many babies have not been given the chance... Yes, his life will have challenges. But I don't know a life that is free from challenges.
Meeting Cooper was nothing like I expected. There were a lot of hard moments. But, really, I don't think I was living before he came. Embracing his life has given me life.
It's the unexpected that brings us all to life. If we let it.
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