A stranger told me I'm pretty recently.
My grandpa was getting remarried after losing my grandma. I didn't know the wedding was even happening until the week of the event. So, when the day arrived, I was thrust into a room filled with people I hadn't ever met or interacted with.
We were all seated waiting for the bride to walk down the aisle. The woman in front of me turned around and started chatting with me. Her name was Kelly. She wore glasses, and had soft brown hair that framed her soft, oval face. She was pointing around to people in the room, trying to help me see who was related to who when, rather suddenly, she paused and, looking right into my eyes, said, "You are just so pretty."
My face flushed a little shade of red, I'm sure. I was surprised by this random statement. I stammered some version of thank you and our conversation continued for a couple more minutes until we were interrupted by the sound of the ceremony starting.
.................
When Andi was a baby, we heard of people doing affirmations with their children. I was intrigued, and in love with the idea for a lot of reasons. So, I jotted down a list of what I thought may be important for her to know and believe about herself. I prayerfully tweaked it for some time. And then when she was able to speak pretty well somewhere around two years old, we started going over the list every night as part of a bedtime routine.
One I felt strongly to include was, "I'm pretty."
Of all the things I can teach my daughter, one of the most important to me is what makes her pretty.
As she grows, I have tried to explain what pretty is, and what it is not.
Do the clothes you wear make you pretty?
No.
Does the makeup on your face make you pretty?
No.
What about the jewelry you get to wear, and how sparkly it is?
Nope.
Is it your long hair that makes you pretty, and the way you style it?
No.
Is it how well you can run down the sidewalk, or shoot a basketball, or bake a cake?
NO.
What makes you pretty is the way you treat yourself and others.
It's funny when I think I'm teaching something important to my kids, often the lessons end up being for me. This affirmation has also helped me to learn about what makes someone pretty. I have repeated it to myself when I begin to worry too much about my appearance or when I find the comparison critter rearing it's ugly head.
I didn't anticipate the way this affirmation would help me as we started to step into the world of "special needs."
This week I met a mom named Hannah and her two year old daughter named Stevie. Hannah told me that Stevie was born with trisomy 5p. It's such a rare genetic abnormality that they really have no idea what to expect in terms of how her life will go.
Stevie will be judged quickly based on how she looks, much like my Cooper will be judged based off his appearance. The world won't see them as "pretty." They won't see the beauty in our kiddos that we see.
But one thing I've learned about being pretty is that we can only control our own pretty, and it's not our job to tell someone else how to be pretty.
So, we'll continue to strive for our version of pretty by loving ourselves and others, and treating them with respect regardless of their appearance or ability. Because that's what makes us pretty.
Picture by: k.collective.photography (Instagram)
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